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Bottled bullshit

March 9, 2010

On the weekend I happened to walk past a baby-expo just as it was finishing up (well, we’d stopped by the entrance for a chat to a friendly and entertaining polar bear, me and the two-year old, while masses of exhausted new parents loaded up with expensive goods filed past, by the hundreds). The organisers must have been keen to get rid of excess promotional stock because someone handled me two bottles of water.

They were 600 ml bottles with the triple-injection-moulded over-the-top pop-up tops favoured by sporty people (in the ads) who like to squirt the fluid rather than drink it, and it was called – wait for it – celebrityslim.

To me that just sums up everything that’s wrong with society.

Apart from the fact that every litre of bottled water takes 15 litres of water to make, that the 30 million water bottles thrown away every day takes 1000 years to biodegrade and that bottled water is three times more expensive than petrol and 1000 times more expensive than drinking tap water, the label offers no information (like where it’s sourced and bottled). I think that’s close to illegal, isn’t it? It does offer a Serving Suggestion – drink 2 litres a day (yeah, that’d be right; 3.5 bottles! if you want to get slim).

And a part from the offensively stupid name, they have the bad taste of marketing it to pregnant women and new mothers who, due to the changing body and extra kilos that the blessed state brings (and that celebrity mums never seem to have problems with), are likely to be particularly vulnerable to the bombardments of bodyimage ideals. (Upon further investigation it turns out celebrityslim is a meal replacement program  – you know, where you pay wads of cash for someone to provide you with shakes, soups and bars that you eat instead of food in order to shed your extra kilos.)

Well, there is one related product that is even more obscene, whose creators must have read the same marketing book I glanced at in the bookstore the other day, advising that If your product doesn’t bring in the cash you want, market it to a more cashed-up clientele. (Good one, eh?)

So…you offended yet? Go educate yourself some more!

And if you need to drink bottled water, choose this. Then at least something good comes from it.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2010 4:17 pm

    on the ‘everything that is wrong with society’ thing…

    you could add in there that capitalism has successfully programmed us all into thinking that the solution to every need or problem is to buy something. thirsty? buy water. need to lose weight? buy water.

  2. March 9, 2010 7:06 pm

    yeah! so true. I guess people really like it too when there is a lot of things that they can spend their dollars on since they spend such a large proportion of their lives earning them.

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